I was walking back home from work, taking the exact same route I had taken every day for months now, ever since that freak phenomenon put me in the body of Mrs. MacLean, Lost in thought, my eyes drifted across the bustling street. There I saw a couple of teenagers and while I could only see their backs, I immediately recognized them. The girl was my former girlfriend, currently my teenage daughter, locked in a passionate kiss with her boyfriend Mitch, or rather the real Lauren MacLean inhabiting my former teenage body. A shiver ran down my spine. Of course I couldn’t blame Stacy. She knows nothing about the body swap. To her, the boy she is kissing is still me. Her mom on the other hand… It was a different story and I didn’t understand how she could be so casually okay with this. Perhaps she rationalized that since she was in my body they weren’t related anymore? I could see the logic in it, but still the whole situation was unsettling to say the least.
When the body swap happened, I had no idea what kind of nightmare is awaiting me. My naive optimism convinced me that it was just temporary. That by the next day or the next week everything is going to turn back to normal. We both realized that telling anyone the truth was entirely pointless. Who would believe us anyway? Instead we made an agreement that we would pretend to be each other and bid our time until we either find a way to reverse the swap or the problem simply resolves itself. For me that meant stepping literally into Mrs. MacLean’s shoes. I had to inhabit the body of a grown woman, dealing with the unfamiliar physical sensations that came along with her body. I had to wear her clothes, deal with her corporate job I was unqualified for and sleeping in one bed next to a man who thought I was his loving wife.
As the days were passing my anxiety was growing stronger. With no solution in sight, the horrifying realization began to set in that I may be stuck as Stacy’s mother for the rest of my life. Yet I had to suppress the panic, putting on a serene mask in front of everyone who remained blissfully unaware that I was nothing more than an impostor wearing Lauren’s clothes. What I resented even more however was how effortlessly the real Mrs. MacLean slipped into my identity. It was obvious that she was actually enjoying being a teenage boy. In some way I could understand her enthusiasm. She had just become twenty five years younger and given the opportunity to be a teenager again. In that context, being the opposite sex probably felt like a small price to pay. I on the other hand, saw zero redeeming qualities in the exchange. Not only I had aged twenty five years forward, but I was also forced to navigate the world as an adult woman feeling awkward in a body that I couldn’t get comfortable with.
Today marks the eight months since we switched bodies. The initial chaos have slowly eroded into a mundane rhythm of an ordinary routine. Over time the physical reality has simply become my new normal. The presence of breasts no longer makes me flinch and the other anatomical parts of womanhood have lost their initial shock value. I no longer feel humiliated by wearing women’s clothes and stepping into the shower entirely naked doesn’t feel like a violation of a boundary I shouldn’t have crossed. I’m not happy with the situation, but I simply gave up any lingering hope of reclaiming my body and life. Like it or not, I am Lauren MacLean now. A grown woman and I am forced to accept it no matter how much it sickens me.
With that acceptance came even a stranger shift. My relationship with Stacy is fundamentally over. I still love her, but with a terrifying irony, I love her more as a daughter now than as a girlfriend. Rationally, I know this is how it should be. I am her mom now and harboring romantic feelings for your own daughter would be simply wrong. My romantic compass reoriented itself. My affections have shifted towards John, Stacy’s father and legally speaking my current husband. Again from a practical standpoint, it is the only way to survive this charade. Yet, despite the physical attraction and the deep emotional bond I’ve unwillingly developed with him, whenever we get close, whenever our lips touch or whenever we make love, a voice screams in the back of my mind that everything I’m doing is deeply wrong.
What about the real Lauren MacLean? I tell myself it’s not her fault, but a boiling anger surges through my veins every time I have to interact with her. She stepped into my role so seamlessly it’s obvious that even if we found a way to swap back tomorrow, she would have no intention of doing it. Sometimes I find myself wishing Stacy would just break up with him. It's just that looking at the boy and then looking back at myself, I keep getting reminded of the life that could and should have been mine. Of the teenage boy I was supposed to be instead of the adult woman I am today. Yet, my hands are tied. Stacy has always been stubborn and even now as her mom I wouldn’t be able to reason with her and talk her out of this relationship. After all “Mitch” is playing the role of the ideal boyfriend with absolute perfection and even John has grown fond of him. Left with no other options, I am forced to swallow my bitterness, put on a warm maternal smile on my face and quietly pray for their eventual breakup. If not I will simply have to deal with it, just like I’m dealing with the indignity of being permanently trapped inside the body of my girlfriend’s mom.
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